This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
