Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
