you didnt know i had herpes?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
