my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You dont lie about slip and slides
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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