Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
