omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
