So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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