I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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