white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
