I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
