Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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