Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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