How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
