Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Your penis caused this!
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