Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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