so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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