Your dad touched me again.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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