i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
