I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
