it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
