WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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