Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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