jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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