Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
