I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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