we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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