everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
