Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
