When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
