sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
