Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
