i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
