You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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