I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
