My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
