Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
