I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
