you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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