i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
