Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
