yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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