if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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