I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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