Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
