After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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