they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
