I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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