He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
