you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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