Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize