What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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