im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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