What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
