In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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