the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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