You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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