i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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