:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
