I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
