if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
