I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
