Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
