so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
