last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
