Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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