put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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