oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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