I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
