Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
