I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
