hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
