yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
