apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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