The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
