Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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