When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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